Give someone a slice of joy!

As 2020 comes to a close, we could all do with some joy in our lives! But we should also consider the rewards of spreading a little love too. So why not consider how your child can bring some socially-distanced cheer into someone’s life through community service this holiday season?

Not just a “box ticking” exercise. We all know that a well-rounded resume is important in the school application process down the line, but authentic service to others should be more than just ‘ticking the box’. Not only can community service be personally rewarding, but it can also be instrumental in shaping your child’s future self. By getting involved in simple, selfless acts of kindness, they may learn the important lesson of caring for someone other than themself, while also realizing what a big difference a little effort can make in someone’s life.

The pandemic has presented us with complications of all sorts of shapes and sizes, with access to community service included in the long list of obstacles. However, these unparalleled challenges do not mean your child can’t get involved. So how does your child ‘give back’ in times when social distancing is the fabric of our new landscape? Here, we uncover some creative ways to volunteer - virtually or hands-on - from the safety of your own home. There are opportunities for your family as a whole, for your child individually, or for your child and friends to apply their skills without risking exposure to themselves or others.

Before you get stuck in, a word of advice... To inspire a genuine connection and leave your child wanting to commit to community service on a more regular basis, it is important that they do not feel “forced” into an activity. To achieve this, make it a collaborative process that involves them at every stage. Also, be sure to focus on how the process can be fun and align with your child’s interests. Without this emotional attachment, the activity will be perceived as a “chore” and will not result in a positive outcome.

Socially distanced, but by no means isolated... To begin with, there are many national, regional, and local organizations looking for help in ways that children can get involved with from home. A project can be scaled up or down, depending on your child’s age. And it doesn’t need to be elaborate either. For example, your child can express their thanks to our troops overseas by sending them a letter or making them a bracelet. Alternatively, they can pen a heartfelt message of thanks to a front-line worker. Or why not become a penpal to an elderly person living in a senior living community?

And how about injecting some fun, creativity, and a sense of community into the process? To give you an idea of how two kids made a simple yet HUGE impact in their hometown of Bethel, CT, this spring, meet the Bethel Sharks - Skipper (Dad), Sharkira (Mom), and little Sea Sea! This impactful endeavor was the brainchild of two anonymous students who simply wanted to spread cheer at a time when local morale was low. At first, the sharks started ‘hanging out’ at random locations around town, sparking instant curiosity. Soon, there were ‘shark sightings’ galore, a Facebook group boasting thousands of members, and a barrage of news coverage. Spontaneous acts of kindness and joy followed wherever they popped up. Ultimately, locals were sad when they headed back out to ‘sea’. Learn more about how their simple acts led to greatness in this article from CT Magazine!

In this age of Tik Tok, Reels, and YouTube, is your child a talented videographer - making fun videos of themself, others, or their pets? Check out VolunteerMatch in Maryland, an organization that asks students to submit short videos demonstrating how to do a simple craft. The videos are then shared with caregivers so they can, in turn, work on these fun projects with their intellectually-disabled companions. Alternatively, your child can help create a video storytime library for vulnerable children. What child wouldn’t love diving into joyous projects like this?

We know we’ve just scratched the surface in the endless list of virtual community service opportunities out there. And by now, we’re sure you’ve realized how easy it is to get creative and make a difference in someone else’s life. If you would like to receive more information about how to find meaningful volunteer opportunities, click the link below and we’ll send a list of amazing opportunities right out to you!

Request KQ’s Community Service List

Community Service List

IMPORTANT: Your child’s health and safety, and for those they are serving, are paramount. Be sure to review volunteer opportunities carefully so you know who your child will be working with online or by phone. Also, familiarize yourself with the volunteer position to be sure they are fulfilling an appropriate need that is not for profit.

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Written by Verona Keating and Jacquie Quigley | Founding Partners of Keating Quigley Education Advisors

Three Ways to Help Your Teen Harness Her Girl Power!

When I sat down to write my thoughts about "Girl Power," one woman who symbolized this concept could not escape my mind: Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Ms. Ginsburg, or "The Notorious R.B.G." as many of us now refer to her, was the embodiment of female power, autonomy, and success. In her 87 years, she taught us all how a woman can have a groundbreaking and successful career while simultaneously raising a family. And most importantly, how to do it all with grace and compassion. Since her death in September, I have been trying to pinpoint just what made her powerful and inspirational. From my own experience as a school counselor, I know that the strongest female students with whom I worked seemed to be independent, above all else. This theme of independence must have resonated with R.B.G. because she is often quoted talking about it. When discussing her ideas of feminism and her upbringing, she is quoted as saying, "My mother told me to be a lady. And for her, that meant be your own person, be independent." I couldn't agree more. I believe that independence, along with healthy coping skills, and key female mentors, are three of the most important elements of helping a teen to unleash her "GIRL POWER!"   

When my daughter was born, I sat in a baby parenting class of ten women in New York City. The group facilitator asked us moms, "What is your ultimate goal with this baby?" Our responses varied. The women responded with everything from "keep my baby safe" to "get him to follow his passion in life." After we all went around the circle and spoke, the group leader finally said, "None of this matters unless your child is independent. Your job is to raise him/her and give him/her the skills to be ready to leave your house and go out into the world as an independent adult." I could not agree more! With independence and a strong sense of self, a child can accomplish anything. But how does one attain this? In a world full of Instagram and TikTok followers and hovering parents, how can an adolescent girl manage to assert herself and make her own choices? Having a strong sense of knowing what and who makes her feel good is key. Also, having parents who set clear and reasonable limits is essential in the process of developing independence.    

Teaching her how to recognize and define emotions, and stay away from things that make her feel bad is very important. We can only make good choices and trust our instincts if we learn to be honest about feelings, friendships, and situations that do and do not serve us. As a parent, you can work with your daughters on this in almost any situation. Do you notice that your adolescent daughter continues to want to hang out with a group of girls who are not nice to her? Encourage her to think about how she feels in the moment when she is with them. Try guiding her by saying something like, "How did you feel when X said that to you? How did your body feel? Your heart?" Once she is able to recognize this, she may one day articulate it and say, "Spending time with X sometimes leaves me feeling excluded or not great. I'm going to hang out with my other friend Y today, who makes me feel fun and silly."

As for setting limits, have you ever tried to encourage your child to join an activity in which they have no interest? That's a great time to set boundaries and encourage independence! Hearing them out while sticking to your expectations is important. Try saying something like, "I hear that you don't want to do this, and I do understand, but you are going to try it once. If you don't like it after the first time, we will discuss it again and make a new decision together." As your child gets used to you encouraging her expression of feelings and setting limits, she will naturally start to become more independent.    

Remember those feelings I just encouraged you to allow your daughter to experience? What happens when those emotions feel absolutely awful? We all have challenging situations and moments, whether we're six, 16, or 60. The key to becoming a stable and healthy adult is having the appropriate coping skills to actually deal with these feelings. If your daughter is going to change the world, she must start within herself! Girls must have a healthy outlet in which to release their thoughts and feelings. Whether it is some form of physical activity like a sport or dance, something creative like art or writing, or even small self-care acts like taking a hot shower, journaling, or listening to music. All of these coping skills can become part of your daughter's (and your) routine. Daily stress and setbacks happen. We need to teach our daughters healthy ways to deal with them, so they do not turn to unhealthy habits or risky behaviors to cope. We are seeing this now with the Coronavirus. Kids that are set up with healthy ways to cope are faring better with all the changes in our uncertain world than those who lack these positive outlets. One certainly cannot attain "Girl Power" without being able to cope with the "tough stuff" that comes her way.    

I bet many of you have noticed by now that your teen daughter is not running to you for advice very often anymore. But that doesn't mean she isn't in need of it! As girls grow and reach early adolescence, they tend to start to keep things from their parents. But with everything the world is throwing at our young girls right now, they need a level-headed and unbiased mentor to guide them in the right direction. Teen girls are dealing with so much more than we ever dealt with. From pressures by peers and social media to look a certain way, to the burden of rigorous academics and the college admissions process, to simply navigating the adolescent brain in a global pandemic, it is a lot to bear. Making a connection with someone outside of their immediate family, such as a family friend, school counselor, therapist, coach, aunt, or other trustworthy adults, is key to a girl's healthy development at this age. The right mentors can teach kids how to navigate the world in a calm, level-headed manner. Cultivating relationships with female mentors, especially those who embody independence and confidence, will help put young girls on the path to achieving their goals.

Most of us will not rise to the highest court in the United States of America, as Ruth Bader Ginsburg did. But let us start right where we are. We can define "Girl Power" within our own families and communities, beginning with the teenage girls in our lives. We can support adolescent girls to succeed in our chaotic world by encouraging independence, healthy coping skills, and mentorship. With the right tools in place, our girls can undoubtedly unleash their superpowers, one of which is simply being a GIRL!

Erika is hosting a 6-week enrichment series starting October 22nd, 2020 for girls ages 11-13 and 14-16. This is a virtual safe space for adolescent girls to talk about issues relevant to growing up and becoming a kind, confident leader.
Click here to learn more and register!

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Written By Erika Brunwasser | Social/Emotional Coach & Workshop Specialist

Raising a Resilient Child: All it Takes is a Little PLV...

How resilient are your kids? As parents, we all know that resilience is a vital skill, and we want our kids to have it. But how? Resilience is defined as the ability to bounce back from challenges. But with the current trends of “Helicopter” and “Bulldozer” parenting, so many of us are inclined to make sure the path to adulthood is free of obstacles. This way, our kids can walk right through childhood and come out on the other end without a scratch. It’s only natural that we want to shield our kids from anything and everything that is scary and unknown.

But how can we raise resilient kids if they have nothing to “bounce back” from? If they are not truly challenged, if they never fail, how will they succeed? Have you ever looked at your child and wished they were able to cope better with the common hurdles that come their way? In my experience as a school counselor for elementary, middle and high school students, the most resilient kids (whether they were six or sixteen) had specific and recurring traits. These kids possessed the ability to meet challenges head-on and keep pushing through life. In order to develop the skills necessary to do this, families should strive to equip their kids with the following attributes:

A SENSE OF PURPOSE. You know from your own life that waking up each morning ready to face the day requires the drive and excitement to actually get up and do it. Without something to look forward to, it would certainly be impossible to push through challenges. All of the most resilient students with whom I worked engaged in a positive hobby or passion. Hobbies and clubs give kids a skill and a place to work through many of life’s responsibilities. They also provide a chance to engage positively with their peers, mentors, communities and families. This doesn’t necessarily need to come from a formal club within school. It can come from music, art, sports, a place of worship, dance, discussion groups; the sky's the limit with this one! Any chance they have to meet productively with peers and an older mentor can provide a sense of belonging and purpose. It’s common for kids to fight their parents on this. They may be “busy” with school work, or want time to tinker with technology. Stay strong and encourage a couple hours a week of a positive, productive activity. This is especially important during challenging times. With COVID, for example, many of our kids are more isolated than usual and could really use the support of a wider community. Many organizations are offering virtual discussion or learning-based groups. This is something to absolutely take advantage of. For many kids in cities or highly concentrated areas, this could be the only possible outlet right now. If your child loves what they are doing, they will feel energized, connected, and accomplished. It will make all the difference in the world.

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE from parents/caregivers. Adolescence is, for most, one of the toughest times in development. It is full of insecurity, a preoccupation with how we are viewed by others, and pressure to “fit in”. The most confident kids who are willing to take risks and make mistakes, are the ones with the most supportive and loving families. The fact that you are reading this is a step in the right direction. We all love our children, but how do we show love? What is the language we use when kids don’t meet our expectations, or make mistakes? Kids learn a lot about how to treat themselves from how we treat them. Being confident enough to say “even when I mess up, it will all be okay,” can lead them to try anything. As parents, we have an opportunity to be the first to instill this in them. It is inevitable and natural that during these unprecedented times, kids will have hard feelings and extra challenges. Let them sit with these feelings, take a back seat and act as an understanding and comforting ear, empowering them to work through their emotions in their own time.

A "POSITIVE" INNER VOICE. It’s important to be as positive as possible in conversations with our kids. Many times, their inner voice comes directly from what they’ve been hearing at home. Positive self-talk is a vital skill for resilience, and we can teach it by modeling it for them. Next time your child brings home a less than desirable grade on a test, try saying something like, “I know this is disappointing, but you can absolutely do better next time. It’s just one test. Let’s talk about what support you need, and we will help you get it.” Or, try applying this strategy to current times. When your teen is complaining about not being able to “hang out with friends” because of the Coronavirus, try to put a positive spin on it. Encourage them to make a list of fun ways to overcome their obstacles (e.g. Zoom meeting with friends where they can all watch the same movie, bake something together, or have a dance party). Positivity matters when trying to develop skills for resilience. When a child hears this type of positive reaction repeatedly, they will absorb it and make it part of their own inner voice. Think about the difference between the above responses and more negative responses like, “How did you get this grade? Why would you let that happen? This absolutely cannot happen again. Your dream college will not accept grades like this.” Or “You are not seeing friends! Forget it! It’s not safe. Period!” With a hopeful and positive outlook, we can help our kids power through bumps in the road on their life journey. Remember, skills are mastered through practice, practice, practice.

If there’s one goal we all have as parents, it’s that our kids can thrive in our homes and beyond. Every parent I’ve ever met has expressed a desire for their child to one day become self-sufficient and have a full life. Resilience is key to all of this. Making a few small changes in a child’s life now, can help them get on the track to a more fulfilling life where challenges are met head on. We can take small steps today towards developing the resilience our children need to enjoy life as tomorrow’s independent adults. 

Remember... The small steps we take today will reap big rewards as our children develop the resilience they need to enjoy life as tomorrow’s independent adults.

Erika is hosting a 6-week enrichment series starting October 22nd, 2020 for girls ages 11-13 and 14-16. This is a virtual safe space for adolescent girls to talk about issues relevant to growing up and becoming a kind, confident leader.
Click here to learn more and register!

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Written By Erika Brunwasser | Social/Emotional Coach & Workshop Specialist