As summer winds down and the school year approaches, many middle and high school students experience a mix of excitement and anxiety. While the return to school brings opportunities for learning and socializing, it also comes with a range of worries that can affect students' well-being. Understanding these concerns can help parents support their children through this transition. Here are some common worries kids have when going back to school and how parents can address them.

Academic Pressure

One of the most significant worries for students is academic performance. Middle and high school students often feel the pressure to achieve high grades and meet the expectations of teachers, parents, and themselves. This pressure can be particularly intense during transitional years, such as starting middle school or high school.

According to the American Psychological Association, 31% of teens report feeling overwhelmed by their school workload. Parents can help by encouraging effective study habits, setting realistic goals, and prioritizing well-being. Open communication about academic expectations and providing a supportive environment can alleviate some of this pressure.

Social Challenges

Social dynamics play a crucial role in the school experience, and worries about fitting in or making friends are common among students. Middle and high school students may fear being judged or bullied, especially if they are entering a new school or transitioning to a different grade level.

A study in the Journal of Adolescent Health highlights that social anxiety is a prevalent concern among adolescents, impacting their ability to form and maintain friendships. Parents can support their children by encouraging participation in extracurricular activities and fostering open discussions about their social experiences.

Body Image and Self-Esteem

As children enter adolescence, they become more conscious of their appearance and may worry about body image and self-esteem. The pressure to conform to societal beauty standards and the fear of being judged by peers can be overwhelming.

The National Eating Disorders Association reports that body dissatisfaction is a significant issue among teenagers. Parents can promote a healthy body image by modeling positive self-esteem, discussing unrealistic portrayals in the media, and emphasizing the importance of inner qualities over physical appearance.

Navigating Relationships

Middle and high school students also worry about navigating relationships and the complexities that come with them. Concerns about dating, breakups, and peer pressure related to relationships can add to their stress. Parents can help by maintaining an open line of communication, providing guidance on healthy relationship behaviors, and respecting their child's privacy while being available for support.

Managing Time and Responsibilities

Balancing academic work, extracurricular activities, and personal life can be daunting for students. The fear of not having enough time to complete assignments, participate in activities, and still have time for relaxation is a common concern.

According to the National Sleep Foundation, teens need about 8 to 10 hours of sleep each night, but many fall short due to their busy schedules. Parents can assist by helping their children create a balanced schedule, encouraging good time management skills, and emphasizing the importance of rest and self-care.

Fear of the Unknown

For many students, the uncertainty of a new school year brings anxiety. Questions about new teachers, new subjects, and new routines can create a sense of fear.

Parents can ease this fear by helping their children prepare for the new school year. Visiting the school, meeting teachers, and discussing what to expect can provide a sense of familiarity and reduce anxiety. Encouraging a positive attitude and focusing on the opportunities for growth can also help students feel more confident.

Final Thoughts

Understanding the worries that middle and high school students face when going back to school is crucial for providing the right support. By addressing academic pressures, social challenges, body image concerns, relationship navigation, time management, and fear of the unknown, parents can help their children navigate this transition more smoothly. Open communication, reassurance, and practical support can make a significant difference in easing their anxieties and promoting a positive and productive school year.

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Written By Keating Quigley | Educational Consultants

How resilient are your kids? As parents, we all know that resilience is a vital skill, and we want our kids to have it. But how? Resilience is defined as the ability to bounce back from challenges. But with the current trends of “Helicopter” and “Bulldozer” parenting, so many of us are inclined to make sure the path to adulthood is free of obstacles. This way, our kids can walk right through childhood and come out on the other end without a scratch. It’s only natural that we want to shield our kids from anything and everything that is scary and unknown.

PURPOSE - LOVE - VOICE embellished with positivity and productivity icons

But how can we raise resilient kids if they have nothing to “bounce back” from? If they are not truly challenged, if they never fail, how will they succeed? Have you ever looked at your child and wished they were able to cope better with the common hurdles that come their way? In my experience as a school counselor for elementary, middle and high school students, the most resilient kids (whether they were six or sixteen) had specific and recurring traits. These kids possessed the ability to meet challenges head-on and keep pushing through life. In order to develop the skills necessary to do this, families should strive to equip their kids with the following attributes:

A SENSE OF PURPOSE. You know from your own life that waking up each morning ready to face the day requires the drive and excitement to actually get up and do it. Without something to look forward to, it would certainly be impossible to push through challenges. All of the most resilient students with whom I worked engaged in a positive hobby or passion. Hobbies and clubs give kids a skill and a place to work through many of life’s responsibilities. They also provide a chance to engage positively with their peers, mentors, communities and families. This doesn’t necessarily need to come from a formal club within school. It can come from music, art, sports, a place of worship, dance, discussion groups; the sky's the limit with this one! Any chance they have to meet productively with peers and an older mentor can provide a sense of belonging and purpose. It’s common for kids to fight their parents on this. They may be “busy” with school work, or want time to tinker with technology. Stay strong and encourage a couple hours a week of a positive, productive activity. This is especially important during challenging times. With COVID, for example, many of our kids are more isolated than usual and could really use the support of a wider community. Many organizations are offering virtual discussion or learning-based groups. This is something to absolutely take advantage of. For many kids in cities or highly concentrated areas, this could be the only possible outlet right now. If your child loves what they are doing, they will feel energized, connected, and accomplished. It will make all the difference in the world.

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE from parents/caregivers. Adolescence is, for most, one of the toughest times in development. It is full of insecurity, a preoccupation with how we are viewed by others, and pressure to “fit in”. The most confident kids who are willing to take risks and make mistakes, are the ones with the most supportive and loving families. The fact that you are reading this is a step in the right direction. We all love our children, but how do we show love? What is the language we use when kids don’t meet our expectations, or make mistakes? Kids learn a lot about how to treat themselves from how we treat them. Being confident enough to say “even when I mess up, it will all be okay,” can lead them to try anything. As parents, we have an opportunity to be the first to instill this in them. It is inevitable and natural that during these unprecedented times, kids will have hard feelings and extra challenges. Let them sit with these feelings, take a back seat and act as an understanding and comforting ear, empowering them to work through their emotions in their own time.

A "POSITIVE" INNER VOICE. It’s important to be as positive as possible in conversations with our kids. Many times, their inner voice comes directly from what they’ve been hearing at home. Positive self-talk is a vital skill for resilience, and we can teach it by modeling it for them. Next time your child brings home a less than desirable grade on a test, try saying something like, “I know this is disappointing, but you can absolutely do better next time. It’s just one test. Let’s talk about what support you need, and we will help you get it.” Or, try applying this strategy to current times. When your teen is complaining about not being able to “hang out with friends” because of the Coronavirus, try to put a positive spin on it. Encourage them to make a list of fun ways to overcome their obstacles (e.g. Zoom meeting with friends where they can all watch the same movie, bake something together, or have a dance party). Positivity matters when trying to develop skills for resilience. When a child hears this type of positive reaction repeatedly, they will absorb it and make it part of their own inner voice. Think about the difference between the above responses and more negative responses like, “How did you get this grade? Why would you let that happen? This absolutely cannot happen again. Your dream college will not accept grades like this.” Or “You are not seeing friends! Forget it! It’s not safe. Period!” With a hopeful and positive outlook, we can help our kids power through bumps in the road on their life journey. Remember, skills are mastered through practice, practice, practice.

If there’s one goal we all have as parents, it’s that our kids can thrive in our homes and beyond. Every parent I’ve ever met has expressed a desire for their child to one day become self-sufficient and have a full life. Resilience is key to all of this. Making a few small changes in a child’s life now, can help them get on the track to a more fulfilling life where challenges are met head on. We can take small steps today towards developing the resilience our children need to enjoy life as tomorrow’s independent adults.

Remember... The small steps we take today will reap big rewards as our children develop the resilience they need to enjoy life as tomorrow’s independent adults.

Erika is hosting a 6-week enrichment series starting October 22nd, 2020 for girls ages 11-13 and 14-16. This is a virtual safe space for adolescent girls to talk about issues relevant to growing up and becoming a kind, confident leader.
Click here to learn more and register!