College Chronicles by Charlotte G.

Meet one of KQ’s new Intern Bloggers! Charlotte grew up in Greenwich, CT. She graduated high school in 2020 and currently attends university in Virginia. Charlotte looks forward to sharing her perspectives and advice on academics, dorm life, and the joys along with the challenges of being a college student!

#1 - My top 10 Freshman Tips

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Ah, as the beginning of the back-to-school commercials and sales come about, we’re reminded that summer is soon to come to an end. And for some, it means moving out and going to college for the first time. I was a college freshman last year and although it was an unprecedented year, every piece of advice I received from older siblings, friends, and adults remained just as, if not more, important. Trust me, I was terrified. Moving out after living in the same town and with my parents, my whole life seemed insane. I always knew I would go to college, but it always felt so far in the future, until it was right in front of me. 

And now, after my first year of college, I have never been more excited to return; I followed the advice from my friends and family which in turn made my freshman year one of the best years of my life. My hope is for yours to be just as amazing, so I am going to list some of the advice my friends and family gave to me that made me more cool, calm, and collected when heading into college. 

  1. Balance Work and Play

    I think this is the most important piece of advice I was given. College is tough academically, and freshman year you are also thrown into the thick of social life. You are dying to meet people and make friends and acclimate to the school community. However, it is also important to prioritize schoolwork. Like myself, most college freshmen are experiencing living and studying away from home for the first time. This meant I had to adjust my study skills and truly learn how to manage time. I am a pretty social person, but I learned pretty quickly that to do well in school you have to balance both perfectly. It is okay to miss out on a couple of things in order to do better in school, and it is okay to not do your best on one project if you feel too overwhelmed with school. 

  2. Get an academic planner 

    Getting an academic planner actually saved me. Without it, it is so easy to forget a small assignment that was just slipped out in the middle of class or something. I’ll link some below

  3. If you have communal showers, Invest in shower shoes

    Please, who knows what’s on the floor in there! 

  4. Buy headphones or earbuds 

    If you know you have a roommate, get yourself some headphones or earbuds if you don’t have any yet. No matter if you love or dislike your roommate, everyone needs a little alone time once in a while and with headphones, you can be in your own world without bothering the other person in the room.

  5. Hold your judgments when meeting new friends

    It's totally okay not to be friends with everyone, but as a freshman, everyone is going through the same motions of making friends, and for some people, it's harder than others.

  6. Try to make connections with your professors 

    It will only help you in the long run to have people in your corner! 

  7. Don’t be scared to go to extra help sessions/office hours 

    It shows you really care about understanding the material and doing well, and will only help you to get extra help.

  8. Be as outgoing as you can - even if it’s uncomfortable

    Although it's scary to be yourself, it's also the easiest way to find people that will be your best friends. Being genuine attracts people.

  9. Immerse yourself in school spirit!

    Go to sports games!!! They are amazing and it is so fun to have school spirit. 

  10. If everything is overwhelming you and you feel swamped, take a break 

    I had to take a lot of breaks this year, especially with corona, I felt my stress sometimes take over. The most effective ways I regrouped were working out, calling my mom or my home friends, going for a walk, or just watching a comfort show (my personal fav is New Girl)

Written by Charlotte G. | Blogging Intern at Keating Quigley Educational Advisors

Reflections On The School Admissions Process

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Independent school admissions decisions are out and deposits are in, and the verdict... accepted, waitlisted or denied. For some, the outcome was just what they wanted, a spot at the school of their dreams. For others the decision was disappointing because they are on  a waitlist , or worse yet, denied. So what does this all mean?

Before I go on, I should tell you that my approach to school admissions is centered on self reflection and acknowledgement. I challenge you as parents, to take a non-linear approach to the school search by not making the process about a means to an end. Instead, push yourselves outside the box and use this as an opportunity to help your child build life skills. Life skills? What do they have to do with applying to schools? First, let us think about a few: admissions interviews, applications, school research, writing a resume, and time management. These are skills that all of us have to develop and use throughout our lives. So, why not start early?

“Learning without reflection is a waste. Reflection without learning is dangerous.”

-Confucius

The first step in this exploration starts with your child and getting them to understand who they are as an academic, a person, and general member of society. At this point, you are probably wondering at what age children can start identifying these skills. A middle schooler, with coaching, can easily start pinpoint some of their characteristics and qualities. Do not underestimate your child’s ability to recognize their strengths and weaknesses! 

I would argue that regardless of the admission decision, it’s important to reflect on the school selection process. What did you learn about yourself as a parent? What did you learn about your child? And last but not least, what should you be doing as a family going forward? For parents of middle or high school students, this should be viewed as an opportunity for your child to reflect upon their profile. Okay, so this sounds interesting... but, where do I go from here?

Take a step back before you move forward and ask yourself or your child:

  • What did I or my child learn about their character?

  • Did I/they discover anything new about their academic profile?

  • Are extracurricular activities a significant part of the child’s life?

  • Should we consider academic support or enrichment?

  • Have I/we adequately researched and addressed the school programs that are a “best fit” match?

  • Did we put enough emphasis on the school community and environment?

  • Was the application process an emotionally balanced experience?

  • Did I empower my child in their school search?

Do not feel like you have to have one big conversation about this. Instead, use this as an opportunity to start a dialogue. You might want to consider putting pen to paper before engaging in conversation to show that you put time and thought into understanding their school search. We all know how hard it is to strike a conversation with our middle or high school students. Seize the moment!

While many of you might be thinking, “my child has a spot in their first choice school so what’s all of this reflection about?” These are questions every parent should be asking themselves periodically as their child navigates their educational journey. Take a pulse along the way, and make sure that your child’s school is still appropriate based on how they are developing not only as a student, but as a person.

For those of you who are still waiting for a spot or are planning on going through the school application process again next fall, turn a negative into a positive, and use this time to reassess your child, and their school list. You might find yourself wondering if you should have done things differently. Remember, it’s never too late to redirect your thought process, and change your plan.

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Jacquie Quigley | Partner | Keating Quigley Educational Advisors

Help Your Daughter Shatter Her Glass Ceiling!

“Shattering glass ceilings”. The term is everywhere right now. But what does it mean? With the inauguration of Vice President-elect Kamala Harris taking place next week, this has been on my mind lately. When I look at my own two daughters, age almost five and almost two, I see so much potential. But I also ask myself: How do we help the next generation of young women keep the momentum going?

To be the leaders of tomorrow, the young girls of today need our help. Here’s how:

  • First, we must help them build confidence. A young woman may have intelligence and talent, but without confidence, she will not be able to achieve anything.

  • Secondly, we must support our girls with examples of role models and mentors. Knowing about our possibilities and seeing other accomplished women is a key part of reaching our own goals.

  • Lastly, frequent and meaningful conversations about female identity are critical to helping them shape their ideas about who they are and the women they will become.

 
 

Confidence is Key

We all want our daughters to feel that they CAN and WILL achieve anything in life. But how is this feeling developed? In a society full of comparisons on social media and pressure to get ahead of others in school, girls need to be reminded of how special and important their individual qualities are.

As parents, we have a unique opportunity to see our children’s strengths firsthand and witness the qualities that set them apart from others. But how often do we help them identify their strengths? Sometimes they need to hear positive feedback when they do something great to boost self-esteem and motivation. So remember to be specific and praise actions, not personality traits. For example, say something like, “You spoke so confidently and bravely with your teacher today, I am proud of what a leader you are becoming in your class.” This statement is more effective than a simple, “I think you’re really brave.” This way, you are intentionally reinforcing positive behaviors and choices, with the hope that they will repeat them in the future. This is also important in helping them to embrace their individuality.

Don’t forget to help your daughter recognize and celebrate her uniqueness. When she comes to you for advice, for example, remind her to follow her heart. During adolescence, many kids tend to follow the crowd. We should remind our girls that being different is not only okay, it is also a strength. Asking our girls questions such as “what is your gut telling you?” will help her reflect and build a sense of self-assurance that is vital for future success.

In addition, identifying how we behave and model for our girls is another key component of helping them build confidence. Do we exhibit self-assuredness and poise in our work? Do we take pride in it, and interact with colleagues and friends in a way that we want our daughters to emulate? Do we model acceptance of our bodies? Do we speak kindly about ourselves? Our girls are watching us and whether we intend to or not, we have an impact on their self-esteem. Their sense of self begins with a strong model for confidence. When girls are confident in themselves, they can dare to dream about and achieve goals that might be otherwise impossible.

 
 

Look to Role Models in their Lives

For our girls to achieve the same level of engagement and leadership that we have been able to attain, they must first have exposure. The adage, “We cannot be what we cannot see” could not be truer here.

Making sure to expose our girls to a variety of role models in a range of fields, and from diverse backgrounds, is ideal for encouraging them to think about themselves as competent women in the future. This is also why it is so important for accomplished women to become mentors to underserved youth, who may not have sufficient opportunities to see examples of various careers in their communities. It is never too early to have our daughters start conversations with other women about their career paths and experiences. We should encourage our girls to seek out as many new experiences as possible that will allow them to meet women in all fields.

Identifying opportunities to engage with female leaders will have a positive impact on the way they see themselves as young women. Engagement in after-school clubs, youth groups, dance classes, sports teams, art or music classes, or community service with an encouraging female mentor are great ways to experience this.

 
 

Engage in Dialogue about Issues Facing Girls and Women

Of everything we can do to motivate and lead the young women of the future, open and honest conversations are the most important.

It is important to discuss ideas and concepts like feminism, the history of women’s rights, the obstacles to gender equality that remain today, and women’s overall role in society. We must educate our girls and give them a chance to talk about how we got here and where we are headed.

Girls absorb so many messages, both positive and negative, about what they should and should not do as females. They need candid conversations that encourage them to reflect on the significance of their experiences and help them to challenge misconceptions. For example, many girls feel that if they speak proudly about their accomplishments or their appearance, they will be viewed as “conceited” or “full of themselves”. If they are allowed to consider this idea further, they would realize that this is not true. There is no reason that females shouldn’t be as loud and proud of their strengths as their male counterparts. Encouraging our girls to be proud of themselves is an important step in allowing them to shine. Honest reflection and candid discussion about our place in the world are vital to motivating the young women of the future.

I look at our young girls of today with so much hope and optimism. They have access to more information and opportunities than we ever did. They are also growing up in a more equitable society. The likelihood of a female succeeding is greater than ever, due to the powerful line up of women who came before us and broke barriers. Girls can dare to dream anything. The possibilities are endless. With confidence, access to strong mentors, and open dialogue, the sky's the limit for the next generation of women.

Girl Power!

A parenting workshop with Erika Brunwasser
Thursday, February 25
7:30 pm

Please join Erika, Social/Emotional Coach & Workshop Specialist, for an evening of guidance and support for a positive path to parenthood as part of the Keating Quigley Enrichment Collaborative.

Erika is also available for one-on-one virtual student mentoring sessions.

Written By Erika Brunwasser | Social/Emotional Coach & Workshop Specialist