Help Your Daughter Shatter Her Glass Ceiling!

“Shattering glass ceilings”. The term is everywhere right now. But what does it mean? With the inauguration of Vice President-elect Kamala Harris taking place next week, this has been on my mind lately. When I look at my own two daughters, age almost five and almost two, I see so much potential. But I also ask myself: How do we help the next generation of young women keep the momentum going?

To be the leaders of tomorrow, the young girls of today need our help. Here’s how:

• First, we must help them build confidence. A young woman may have intelligence and talent, but without confidence, she will not be able to achieve anything.

• Secondly, we must support our girls with examples of role models and mentors. Knowing about our possibilities and seeing other accomplished women is a key part of reaching our own goals.

• Lastly, frequent and meaningful conversations about female identity are critical to helping them shape their ideas about who they are and the women they will become.

Confidence is Key

We all want our daughters to feel that they CAN and WILL achieve anything in life. But how is this feeling developed? In a society full of comparisons on social media and pressure to get ahead of others in school, girls need to be reminded of how special and important their individual qualities are.

As parents, we have a unique opportunity to see our children’s strengths firsthand and witness the qualities that set them apart from others. But how often do we help them identify their strengths? Sometimes they need to hear positive feedback when they do something great to boost self-esteem and motivation. So remember to be specific and praise actions, not personality traits. For example, say something like, “You spoke so confidently and bravely with your teacher today, I am proud of what a leader you are becoming in your class.” This statement is more effective than a simple, “I think you’re really brave.” This way, you are intentionally reinforcing positive behaviors and choices, with the hope that they will repeat them in the future. This is also important in helping them to embrace their individuality.

Don’t forget to help your daughter recognize and celebrate her uniqueness. When she comes to you for advice, for example, remind her to follow her heart. During adolescence, many kids tend to follow the crowd. We should remind our girls that being different is not only okay, it is also a strength. Asking our girls questions such as “what is your gut telling you?” will help her reflect and build a sense of self-assurance that is vital for future success.

In addition, identifying how we behave and model for our girls is another key component of helping them build confidence. Do we exhibit self-assuredness and poise in our work? Do we take pride in it, and interact with colleagues and friends in a way that we want our daughters to emulate? Do we model acceptance of our bodies? Do we speak kindly about ourselves? Our girls are watching us and whether we intend to or not, we have an impact on their self-esteem. Their sense of self begins with a strong model for confidence. When girls are confident in themselves, they can dare to dream about and achieve goals that might be otherwise impossible.

Look to Role Models in their Lives

For our girls to achieve the same level of engagement and leadership that we have been able to attain, they must first have exposure. The adage, “We cannot be what we cannot see” could not be truer here.

Making sure to expose our girls to a variety of role models in a range of fields, and from diverse backgrounds, is ideal for encouraging them to think about themselves as competent women in the future. This is also why it is so important for accomplished women to become mentors to underserved youth, who may not have sufficient opportunities to see examples of various careers in their communities. It is never too early to have our daughters start conversations with other women about their career paths and experiences. We should encourage our girls to seek out as many new experiences as possible that will allow them to meet women in all fields.

Identifying opportunities to engage with female leaders will have a positive impact on the way they see themselves as young women. Engagement in after-school clubs, youth groups, dance classes, sports teams, art or music classes, or community service with an encouraging female mentor are great ways to experience this.

Engage in Dialogue about Issues Facing Girls and Women

Of everything we can do to motivate and lead the young women of the future, open and honest conversations are the most important.

It is important to discuss ideas and concepts like feminism, the history of women’s rights, the obstacles to gender equality that remain today, and women’s overall role in society. We must educate our girls and give them a chance to talk about how we got here and where we are headed.

Girls absorb so many messages, both positive and negative, about what they should and should not do as females. They need candid conversations that encourage them to reflect on the significance of their experiences and help them to challenge misconceptions. For example, many girls feel that if they speak proudly about their accomplishments or their appearance, they will be viewed as “conceited” or “full of themselves”. If they are allowed to consider this idea further, they would realize that this is not true. There is no reason that females shouldn’t be as loud and proud of their strengths as their male counterparts. Encouraging our girls to be proud of themselves is an important step in allowing them to shine. Honest reflection and candid discussion about our place in the world are vital to motivating the young women of the future.

I look at our young girls of today with so much hope and optimism. They have access to more information and opportunities than we ever did. They are also growing up in a more equitable society. The likelihood of a female succeeding is greater than ever, due to the powerful line up of women who came before us and broke barriers. Girls can dare to dream anything. The possibilities are endless. With confidence, access to strong mentors, and open dialogue, the sky's the limit for the next generation of women.

Girl Power!

A parenting workshop with Erika Brunwasser
Thursday, February 25
7:30 pm

Please join Erika, Social/Emotional Coach & Workshop Specialist, for an evening of guidance and support for a positive path to parenthood as part of the Keating Quigley Enrichment Collaborative.

Email For More Information

Erika is also available for one-on-one virtual student mentoring sessions.

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Written By Erika Brunwasser | Social/Emotional Coach & Workshop Specialist

Give someone a slice of joy!

As 2020 comes to a close, we could all do with some joy in our lives! But we should also consider the rewards of spreading a little love too. So why not consider how your child can bring some socially-distanced cheer into someone’s life through community service this holiday season?

Not just a “box ticking” exercise. We all know that a well-rounded resume is important in the school application process down the line, but authentic service to others should be more than just ‘ticking the box’. Not only can community service be personally rewarding, but it can also be instrumental in shaping your child’s future self. By getting involved in simple, selfless acts of kindness, they may learn the important lesson of caring for someone other than themself, while also realizing what a big difference a little effort can make in someone’s life.

The pandemic has presented us with complications of all sorts of shapes and sizes, with access to community service included in the long list of obstacles. However, these unparalleled challenges do not mean your child can’t get involved. So how does your child ‘give back’ in times when social distancing is the fabric of our new landscape? Here, we uncover some creative ways to volunteer - virtually or hands-on - from the safety of your own home. There are opportunities for your family as a whole, for your child individually, or for your child and friends to apply their skills without risking exposure to themselves or others.

Before you get stuck in, a word of advice... To inspire a genuine connection and leave your child wanting to commit to community service on a more regular basis, it is important that they do not feel “forced” into an activity. To achieve this, make it a collaborative process that involves them at every stage. Also, be sure to focus on how the process can be fun and align with your child’s interests. Without this emotional attachment, the activity will be perceived as a “chore” and will not result in a positive outcome.

Socially distanced, but by no means isolated... To begin with, there are many national, regional, and local organizations looking for help in ways that children can get involved with from home. A project can be scaled up or down, depending on your child’s age. And it doesn’t need to be elaborate either. For example, your child can express their thanks to our troops overseas by sending them a letter or making them a bracelet. Alternatively, they can pen a heartfelt message of thanks to a front-line worker. Or why not become a penpal to an elderly person living in a senior living community?

And how about injecting some fun, creativity, and a sense of community into the process? To give you an idea of how two kids made a simple yet HUGE impact in their hometown of Bethel, CT, this spring, meet the Bethel Sharks - Skipper (Dad), Sharkira (Mom), and little Sea Sea! This impactful endeavor was the brainchild of two anonymous students who simply wanted to spread cheer at a time when local morale was low. At first, the sharks started ‘hanging out’ at random locations around town, sparking instant curiosity. Soon, there were ‘shark sightings’ galore, a Facebook group boasting thousands of members, and a barrage of news coverage. Spontaneous acts of kindness and joy followed wherever they popped up. Ultimately, locals were sad when they headed back out to ‘sea’. Learn more about how their simple acts led to greatness in this article from CT Magazine!

In this age of Tik Tok, Reels, and YouTube, is your child a talented videographer - making fun videos of themself, others, or their pets? Check out VolunteerMatch in Maryland, an organization that asks students to submit short videos demonstrating how to do a simple craft. The videos are then shared with caregivers so they can, in turn, work on these fun projects with their intellectually-disabled companions. Alternatively, your child can help create a video storytime library for vulnerable children. What child wouldn’t love diving into joyous projects like this?

We know we’ve just scratched the surface in the endless list of virtual community service opportunities out there. And by now, we’re sure you’ve realized how easy it is to get creative and make a difference in someone else’s life. If you would like to receive more information about how to find meaningful volunteer opportunities, click the link below and we’ll send a list of amazing opportunities right out to you!

Request KQ’s Community Service List

Community Service List

IMPORTANT: Your child’s health and safety, and for those they are serving, are paramount. Be sure to review volunteer opportunities carefully so you know who your child will be working with online or by phone. Also, familiarize yourself with the volunteer position to be sure they are fulfilling an appropriate need that is not for profit.

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Written by Verona Keating and Jacquie Quigley | Founding Partners of Keating Quigley Education Advisors

The Application Essay: Your Child's Time to Shine!

Keating Quigley provides expert essay guidance

With the application deadline just a few weeks away, is your child anxious at the thought of writing “the essay”? No matter how much we enjoy writing, sitting down to craft an important piece like this can bring on a sudden case of writer’s block. That’s where we come in…

We are here to help your child break the essay down into manageable parts that can be conquered one by one. To help you get started, here are five critical tips to think about as your child gets ready to work on their masterpiece!

1. Story. Your child’s story is so important - it secures their place in the reader’s mind. Do they want to fade into the vast pool of candidates with a cookie-cutter response, or do they want to stand out from the crowd? Be sure your child can express themselves, be authentic, and not gear the essay toward what they think the reader wants to hear. You want the piece to reveal their character and traits, and how they think. So before they sit down to write, make sure you have a brainstorming conversation - help draw out their ideas and challenge them with topics.

If they can clearly communicate their message in a carefully thought-out, authentic story with appropriate levels of emotion and passion, they will stand out from the crowd.

2. Voice. We all have a voice that people close to us recognize. Is your child’s voice powerful, quiet, passionate, and clear? Writing limits us because we can’t give meaning by using facial expressions or gestures. Therefore, it is essential for your child to write in a voice that grabs and sustains the reader’s attention while finding a way to convey a passion for their chosen topic.

• Be clear and powerful without going over the top.

• Be concise - this doesn’t mean as few words as possible; it means using the words needed to get the point across.

• Avoid jargon, redundant, and complicated language that could bury the essay response.

• Don’t use fluff or filler!

3. Remember to answer the question. It may sound obvious, but sometimes we get caught up in the telling of the story and forget to answer the question. Your child wouldn’t be the first to do that! To avoid this, make sure:

• Your child reads, and rereads the essay question. 

• The essay correctly answers the question asked.

4. Organized thoughts. Encourage your child to put their response topics into a graphic organizer that lets them break the essay down into sections. We recommend drafting the essay in Google Docs to allow for edits and rewrites.  

• Question/Topic

• Introductory Paragraph

• Essay Body

• Conclusion

5. Finishing touches. As your child gets close to the finish line, check to make sure they:

• Stay within the required word or character count, so they don’t have to go back in to cut critical content AFTER finishing the piece. To this point, use word count apps repeatedly along the way.

• Refer to resources such as a thesaurus to finesse their vocabulary.

• Consult grammar tools to check for critical grammatical errors.

• Use smooth transitions between paragraphs.

• Ask at least one person to read the essay thoroughly to check for story, voice, content, and spelling.

If you feel your child needs additional help, we are available for one-on-one coaching sessions. We can help them write a compelling essay that will genuinely represent who they are, and ultimately help them to shine! Click here to contact us.

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Written by Verona Keating and Jacquie Quigley | Founding Partners of Keating Quigley Education Advisors

Zooming to a Great Admissions Interview!

Candidate interviews have always been a pivotal part of the independent high school, and in some cases college, application process. This year, however, schools have had to pivot to entirely virtual procedures due to the pandemic, resulting in limited campus visits, tours and shadow days. In the absence of the opportunity to meet in person, the interview is now, more than ever, a crucial component of the admission process.

As adults, we’ve all been in some situation that resembles an interview - for a job, a school, or even a date! These life experiences have equipped us with a solid base of knowledge about how to handle these encounters, but our children are just starting out and don’t have the same bank of wisdom to tap into. Nor can we hold them by the hand and be with them during the event itself. So just how do you prepare your child for the virtual interview to ensure they present their best self?

Even in ‘normal’ times, the admissions interview can evoke feelings of anxiety in a candidate as they reflect on who they are, what questions they will be asked, and their academic preparedness. Under current circumstances, candidates do not have the benefit of the usual social cues provided by the environment, body language, facial expressions, and eye contact that the in-person interview provides. Instead, they are   quite literally required to be ‘on’ at the flick of a button. This artificial situation may bring about anxiety in your child. This apprehension is 100% natural, so the best way to head off these concerns is to be prepared.  

On the good news front, we’ve all grown to appreciate the importance of technology - along with its quirks - since the pandemic started in March. Children have also become accustomed to speaking in front of a camera for classes, play dates, tutoring, family catch ups etc. In theory, this should make the virtual interview less daunting, but stage fright can still take hold, so here are some helpful tips to help you prepare for the interview with your child.

• Charge your device

• Test your internet connection

• Do an audio/video check - how does your child sound? 

• Make sure you have a good camera angle - don’t show them just a forehead!

• Do a test run - rehearse with a friend or family member who can give feedback

• Mark where the camera on device is so your child looks as if they’re speaking right at the interviewer

• Make sure your child avoids online browsing or typing during the interview

• Choose a quiet space that has a clear, simple background. It should be private with minimal distractions.

• Have everything needed at hand - pen, pencil, paper, notes, tissue, glass of water

• Dress code: Wear appropriate clothes. A virtual meeting is just as important as an in-person interview, so dress to impress!

• Posture: Make sure your child is comfortable in their chair so they don’t slouch. Remind your child not to rest their head on their hand when listening. And remind them to appear engaged at all times!

• Body language: Right up there with posture, body language tells the interviewer so much about whether the candidate is following the conversation, is interested in what they have to say, and if they are engaged in the process. It’s a lot to expect of your child, but remind them to smile when appropriate, focus on the conversation, and sit up straight (even we can hear our mothers saying that!).

• It sounds obvious, but research the school and make sure your child can answer the question: “Why Xyz School?” To do this, browse through the admissions section of the school’s website, do the online virtual campus tours, and read as many candidate resources as possible

• Have your child prepare a card with talking points on it - just a few, not a script!

• Come up with a few questions ahead of time for your child to ask the interviewer. If they’ve covered them during the interview, maybe ask one that is personal to them. The more engaged and interested your child sounds, the better!

• At the end of the interview, remind your child to take a breath, smile and give their heartfelt thanks to the interviewer for their time and the opportunity to learn more about the school

• Make sure your child sends a thank you note via email or mail

Hopefully, these pointers will help your child prepare for, and ultimately ace the admissions interview. We are available for one-on-one coaching if you feel like your child would benefit from independent, professional coaching. We are just an email away, so please click here to contact us!

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Written by Verona Keating and Jacquie Quigley | Founding Partners of Keating Quigley Educational Advisors

“My teacher doesn’t explain it that way!” Sound Familiar?

For years, families across the US have been hearing cries like this from their children as they try to support math schooling at home. This has only been amplified since COVID-19 became our new reality. One day our students were in school learning from trained math teachers, and the next day it was suddenly our responsibility to continue the process. As a math educator with three school-age children of my own, even I was not immune to these battles.

Cue the social media memes. “These homeschool children are about to learn how to carry the 1!” is my personal favorite. Another one that makes me chuckle is, “Why did they change math? There wasn’t anything wrong with it!” I’ve seen posts like these floating around for years, but now that we are all expected to support our children through distance learning, it’s become even more prevalent.

So, why can’t we do math the old fashioned way?

The short answer is, you can! There is no such thing as old math and new math. Math is the same as it has always been. Numbers still add up to the same sums, multiplication facts are still important, geometry is still about spatial reasoning, and word problems still use extraneous information. The main difference in today’s classrooms, from the ones we grew up in, is that teachers today are actively seeking ways to develop an understanding of mathematical concepts and not just memorization of algorithms.

Take for example, the above problem. The student who worked on this had clearly memorized a series of steps, or an algorithm to achieve success, but you can see that there is a lack of understanding of the concept behind the algorithm. If the student had understood how the numbers related to each other, he would have no need for the standard algorithm of "going next door to borrow" or regrouping in order to solve it. We are now focused on moving beyond memorizing such algorithms and moving toward a deeper understanding of mathematical concepts so that students understand how numbers relate to each other.

One way that we can build number sense is by making sure students can solve problems in multiple ways. If students have a true understanding of how numbers relate to each other, they should ultimately be able to utilize several strategies to arrive at an answer. It’s true that some strategies will be more efficient and some will take a more circuitous route to the answer, but that’s part of the learning process. Developing number fluency means that students are accurate, flexible, and efficient in their problem solving. Could you build an entire house with a hammer? Probably, if you were open to new methods and were flexible with your plans. Would it be efficient and easy? Definitely not. As educators, we help guide students towards choosing the best tool for the job.

Teachers have spent countless hours in professional development workshops, reading literature on best practice, and learning from experts how to develop a strong number sense in their students. Now all of a sudden, parents and caregivers are being challenged to navigate this type of learning at home with little to no instruction. Let’s be clear, this is not an easy task! Nor is it fair to expect the new homeschool teachers to know how to guide students through multiple strategies in order to develop flexible and efficient thinking. However, if our goal is truly to help students see multiple paths to solving a problem, then why not teach them the way we learned? It’s just another strategy after all.

But, before you jump into showing your children the standard algorithm, think about the words you choose and how you present the information. By declaring that your way is better, or faster, or easier, you automatically undermine all the other strategies that they may have already learned. The truth is, nobody’s brain works in exactly the same way and for some kids, using number bonds, place value charts, or visual representations are going to be the most beneficial methods at this moment in time. Knowing that there is another strategy out there, one that involves regrouping (please don’t call it carrying! You’re not taking it anywhere!) is, however, still beneficial.

When working with your child, first, take a deep breath. This is going to take some patience! Begin by offering to show them the strategy that works best for you. Take some time to explain the process you use when adding/subtracting/multiplying/dividing numbers. These students are used to being told WHY they are doing something, so they’ll likely have questions. Have them try your method out a few times and then they can try out their current favorite method as well. Giving students the opportunity to see the similarities and differences in the methods will help to solidify the concept for them. Older students will likely start to make the connection that the standard algorithm that we recall so easily is simply a shorthand version of the place value method they are using.

Let’s be honest, none of us have a lot of time to devote to this right now, so don’t panic: there are some fantastic free resources available like Khan Academy, that can help you through this with digestible how-to videos for grades K-12 covering all topics imaginable. And don’t forget that you can always reach out to your child’s teachers for advice: they will want to support you because they know that their students (fingers crossed!) are returning to their classrooms and so they have a vested interest in supporting continuity of learning.

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Written by Alissa Helgesen | Math & Workshop Specialist at Keating Quigley

Three Ways to Help Your Teen Harness Her Girl Power!

When I sat down to write my thoughts about "Girl Power," one woman who symbolized this concept could not escape my mind: Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Ms. Ginsburg, or "The Notorious R.B.G." as many of us now refer to her, was the embodiment of female power, autonomy, and success. In her 87 years, she taught us all how a woman can have a groundbreaking and successful career while simultaneously raising a family. And most importantly, how to do it all with grace and compassion. Since her death in September, I have been trying to pinpoint just what made her powerful and inspirational. From my own experience as a school counselor, I know that the strongest female students with whom I worked seemed to be independent, above all else. This theme of independence must have resonated with R.B.G. because she is often quoted talking about it. When discussing her ideas of feminism and her upbringing, she is quoted as saying, "My mother told me to be a lady. And for her, that meant be your own person, be independent." I couldn't agree more. I believe that independence, along with healthy coping skills, and key female mentors, are three of the most important elements of helping a teen to unleash her "GIRL POWER!"   

When my daughter was born, I sat in a baby parenting class of ten women in New York City. The group facilitator asked us moms, "What is your ultimate goal with this baby?" Our responses varied. The women responded with everything from "keep my baby safe" to "get him to follow his passion in life." After we all went around the circle and spoke, the group leader finally said, "None of this matters unless your child is independent. Your job is to raise him/her and give him/her the skills to be ready to leave your house and go out into the world as an independent adult." I could not agree more! With independence and a strong sense of self, a child can accomplish anything. But how does one attain this? In a world full of Instagram and TikTok followers and hovering parents, how can an adolescent girl manage to assert herself and make her own choices? Having a strong sense of knowing what and who makes her feel good is key. Also, having parents who set clear and reasonable limits is essential in the process of developing independence.    

Teaching her how to recognize and define emotions, and stay away from things that make her feel bad is very important. We can only make good choices and trust our instincts if we learn to be honest about feelings, friendships, and situations that do and do not serve us. As a parent, you can work with your daughters on this in almost any situation. Do you notice that your adolescent daughter continues to want to hang out with a group of girls who are not nice to her? Encourage her to think about how she feels in the moment when she is with them. Try guiding her by saying something like, "How did you feel when X said that to you? How did your body feel? Your heart?" Once she is able to recognize this, she may one day articulate it and say, "Spending time with X sometimes leaves me feeling excluded or not great. I'm going to hang out with my other friend Y today, who makes me feel fun and silly."

As for setting limits, have you ever tried to encourage your child to join an activity in which they have no interest? That's a great time to set boundaries and encourage independence! Hearing them out while sticking to your expectations is important. Try saying something like, "I hear that you don't want to do this, and I do understand, but you are going to try it once. If you don't like it after the first time, we will discuss it again and make a new decision together." As your child gets used to you encouraging her expression of feelings and setting limits, she will naturally start to become more independent.    

Remember those feelings I just encouraged you to allow your daughter to experience? What happens when those emotions feel absolutely awful? We all have challenging situations and moments, whether we're six, 16, or 60. The key to becoming a stable and healthy adult is having the appropriate coping skills to actually deal with these feelings. If your daughter is going to change the world, she must start within herself! Girls must have a healthy outlet in which to release their thoughts and feelings. Whether it is some form of physical activity like a sport or dance, something creative like art or writing, or even small self-care acts like taking a hot shower, journaling, or listening to music. All of these coping skills can become part of your daughter's (and your) routine. Daily stress and setbacks happen. We need to teach our daughters healthy ways to deal with them, so they do not turn to unhealthy habits or risky behaviors to cope. We are seeing this now with the Coronavirus. Kids that are set up with healthy ways to cope are faring better with all the changes in our uncertain world than those who lack these positive outlets. One certainly cannot attain "Girl Power" without being able to cope with the "tough stuff" that comes her way.    

I bet many of you have noticed by now that your teen daughter is not running to you for advice very often anymore. But that doesn't mean she isn't in need of it! As girls grow and reach early adolescence, they tend to start to keep things from their parents. But with everything the world is throwing at our young girls right now, they need a level-headed and unbiased mentor to guide them in the right direction. Teen girls are dealing with so much more than we ever dealt with. From pressures by peers and social media to look a certain way, to the burden of rigorous academics and the college admissions process, to simply navigating the adolescent brain in a global pandemic, it is a lot to bear. Making a connection with someone outside of their immediate family, such as a family friend, school counselor, therapist, coach, aunt, or other trustworthy adults, is key to a girl's healthy development at this age. The right mentors can teach kids how to navigate the world in a calm, level-headed manner. Cultivating relationships with female mentors, especially those who embody independence and confidence, will help put young girls on the path to achieving their goals.

Most of us will not rise to the highest court in the United States of America, as Ruth Bader Ginsburg did. But let us start right where we are. We can define "Girl Power" within our own families and communities, beginning with the teenage girls in our lives. We can support adolescent girls to succeed in our chaotic world by encouraging independence, healthy coping skills, and mentorship. With the right tools in place, our girls can undoubtedly unleash their superpowers, one of which is simply being a GIRL!

Erika is hosting a 6-week enrichment series starting October 22nd, 2020 for girls ages 11-13 and 14-16. This is a virtual safe space for adolescent girls to talk about issues relevant to growing up and becoming a kind, confident leader.
Click here to learn more and register!

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Written By Erika Brunwasser | Social/Emotional Coach & Workshop Specialist