Raising a Resilient Child: All it Takes is a Little PLV...

How resilient are your kids? As parents, we all know that resilience is a vital skill, and we want our kids to have it. But how? Resilience is defined as the ability to bounce back from challenges. But with the current trends of “Helicopter” and “Bulldozer” parenting, so many of us are inclined to make sure the path to adulthood is free of obstacles. This way, our kids can walk right through childhood and come out on the other end without a scratch. It’s only natural that we want to shield our kids from anything and everything that is scary and unknown.

But how can we raise resilient kids if they have nothing to “bounce back” from? If they are not truly challenged, if they never fail, how will they succeed? Have you ever looked at your child and wished they were able to cope better with the common hurdles that come their way? In my experience as a school counselor for elementary, middle and high school students, the most resilient kids (whether they were six or sixteen) had specific and recurring traits. These kids possessed the ability to meet challenges head-on and keep pushing through life. In order to develop the skills necessary to do this, families should strive to equip their kids with the following attributes:

A SENSE OF PURPOSE. You know from your own life that waking up each morning ready to face the day requires the drive and excitement to actually get up and do it. Without something to look forward to, it would certainly be impossible to push through challenges. All of the most resilient students with whom I worked engaged in a positive hobby or passion. Hobbies and clubs give kids a skill and a place to work through many of life’s responsibilities. They also provide a chance to engage positively with their peers, mentors, communities and families. This doesn’t necessarily need to come from a formal club within school. It can come from music, art, sports, a place of worship, dance, discussion groups; the sky's the limit with this one! Any chance they have to meet productively with peers and an older mentor can provide a sense of belonging and purpose. It’s common for kids to fight their parents on this. They may be “busy” with school work, or want time to tinker with technology. Stay strong and encourage a couple hours a week of a positive, productive activity. This is especially important during challenging times. With COVID, for example, many of our kids are more isolated than usual and could really use the support of a wider community. Many organizations are offering virtual discussion or learning-based groups. This is something to absolutely take advantage of. For many kids in cities or highly concentrated areas, this could be the only possible outlet right now. If your child loves what they are doing, they will feel energized, connected, and accomplished. It will make all the difference in the world.

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE from parents/caregivers. Adolescence is, for most, one of the toughest times in development. It is full of insecurity, a preoccupation with how we are viewed by others, and pressure to “fit in”. The most confident kids who are willing to take risks and make mistakes, are the ones with the most supportive and loving families. The fact that you are reading this is a step in the right direction. We all love our children, but how do we show love? What is the language we use when kids don’t meet our expectations, or make mistakes? Kids learn a lot about how to treat themselves from how we treat them. Being confident enough to say “even when I mess up, it will all be okay,” can lead them to try anything. As parents, we have an opportunity to be the first to instill this in them. It is inevitable and natural that during these unprecedented times, kids will have hard feelings and extra challenges. Let them sit with these feelings, take a back seat and act as an understanding and comforting ear, empowering them to work through their emotions in their own time.

A "POSITIVE" INNER VOICE. It’s important to be as positive as possible in conversations with our kids. Many times, their inner voice comes directly from what they’ve been hearing at home. Positive self-talk is a vital skill for resilience, and we can teach it by modeling it for them. Next time your child brings home a less than desirable grade on a test, try saying something like, “I know this is disappointing, but you can absolutely do better next time. It’s just one test. Let’s talk about what support you need, and we will help you get it.” Or, try applying this strategy to current times. When your teen is complaining about not being able to “hang out with friends” because of the Coronavirus, try to put a positive spin on it. Encourage them to make a list of fun ways to overcome their obstacles (e.g. Zoom meeting with friends where they can all watch the same movie, bake something together, or have a dance party). Positivity matters when trying to develop skills for resilience. When a child hears this type of positive reaction repeatedly, they will absorb it and make it part of their own inner voice. Think about the difference between the above responses and more negative responses like, “How did you get this grade? Why would you let that happen? This absolutely cannot happen again. Your dream college will not accept grades like this.” Or “You are not seeing friends! Forget it! It’s not safe. Period!” With a hopeful and positive outlook, we can help our kids power through bumps in the road on their life journey. Remember, skills are mastered through practice, practice, practice.

If there’s one goal we all have as parents, it’s that our kids can thrive in our homes and beyond. Every parent I’ve ever met has expressed a desire for their child to one day become self-sufficient and have a full life. Resilience is key to all of this. Making a few small changes in a child’s life now, can help them get on the track to a more fulfilling life where challenges are met head on. We can take small steps today towards developing the resilience our children need to enjoy life as tomorrow’s independent adults. 

Remember... The small steps we take today will reap big rewards as our children develop the resilience they need to enjoy life as tomorrow’s independent adults.

Erika is hosting a 6-week enrichment series starting October 22nd, 2020 for girls ages 11-13 and 14-16. This is a virtual safe space for adolescent girls to talk about issues relevant to growing up and becoming a kind, confident leader.
Click here to learn more and register!

---

Written By Erika Brunwasser | Social/Emotional Coach & Workshop Specialist

#maskup: what to expect fall 2020

As Labor Day approaches, so do the traditional back to school memories. This year, however, COVID-19 presents us with vastly different in-person and/or hybrid learning environments. With this new reality comes uncertainty, anticipation and anxiety about entering school buildings. These mixed emotions are natural and healthy. After all, it’s been five months since children have walked the halls of their schools.

So what can we expect as students struggle to answer the following questions: What will it look like? Feel like? Sound like? And as parents, what can you expect from your child once schools open their doors and welcome students back?

Be forewarned: the first few days of the school year may not include rigorous academics, but are sure to introduce students to a plethora of new protocols put in place over the past few months to keep everyone safe. One thing is for sure: what we took for granted in the past, will take a back seat as students and teachers acclimate to the new measures. It may mean new entrances and exits. There may be tape on the floor or directional signs to remind everyone which way to walk the hallways, leave a classroom or enter a restroom. We all know that old habits die hard and muscle memory is strong! It will therefore take time to embrace and internalize the new rules of engagement.

It is important to be aware of some adjustments your child will need to make in those first few days of school. This will give you an appreciation for the classroom experience, help guide your conversations and provide the emotional support they may need. As your child settles into their new reality, they will have to:

• Get used to wearing a mask for longer periods of time

• Learn to speak at an appropriate volume with a mask on, so classmates and teachers can hear their ideas

• Remember not to hug their friend in the hallway or high five other classmates

• Recognize everyone’s personal space

Don’t underestimate the fatigue your child may experience. This comes with the territory! They may come home excited about seeing their peers and teachers and yet frustrated by all the new rules. Here’s how you can help:

• Listen to them

• Hear them out

• Let them share their excitement

• Let them vent

• Above all, don’t ask about homework!

There is no denying that the first few days of school will be vastly different this year, so be patient with both your child and the school. Academics may take a temporary backseat to protocol in the initial phase as everyone learns to get used to pandemic classrooms.

In summary, it is undeniable that most of us felt robbed of academics last spring when distance learning became the norm. We also acknowledge that we are eager to get back into the classroom. However, learning how to navigate the physical classroom environment safely in a COVID world is paramount. To get academics back as the primary focus, we first need to recognize the importance of protocols as the critical means of returning to school and more importantly, staying on campus.

Last but not least, we need to take a moment to acknowledge the hard work administrators and teachers have been doing all summer in order to keep learning communities around the country safe and thriving throughout the 2020-21 academic year.

---

Written By Anne O'Reilly Connerty | Essay & Workshop Specialist At Keating Quigley

COVID: will it impact school admissions?

What a spring! For any of you with school-aged children, you know how your life changed almost overnight right around March 11, the day that the state of Connecticut asked K-12 schools to close. At Country School, we were two days away from the beginning of spring break so, while startling in some ways, beginning vacation early didn’t seem all that bad and many went home and started to pack.

Here in the admission office, my team and I lingered for two more days to wrap up our end-of-term business which now included leaving slightly different messages on our voicemails and email auto replies:

Greetings! Following the State of Connecticut’s orders, Country School is closed to visitors for the next two weeks during which time we are also on spring vacation. We are due to reopen and begin classes again on Monday, March 30, if allowed; otherwise we will begin our Distance Learning program until further notice. Alongside Distance Learning, the admission office will also be working remotely however we continue to welcome your calls and emails in anticipation of working with you this spring! …

Messages in place, we were delighted to issue five more offers of admission on Friday the 13th (they all accepted our offer a week later!) on our way out the door - our satchels now filled with laptops and memo pads - imagining that we’d be working from home for just a couple of weeks…

You know the rest of the story. Few traveled for break and if they did, they did so with an awareness that they might not return for a long time. We hunkered down at home, bracing for the unknown. Looking back, I continue to be amazed at the nimbleness and ability to pivot that our faculty and families employed this spring. And my admission colleagues across Fairfield and Westchester Counties followed suit, continuing to host information sessions, conduct interviews and administer assessments, all Zoom.

With a little bit of time to breathe, admission directors are all turning our attention to the fall as we prepare to return to campus. This is indeed the plan for most of us, at least in the state of Connecticut. With new guidelines and protocols in place, admission teams are plotting our 2020-21 “seasons” with excitement and hope, if also a little trepidation. Having attended several “Fairchester Admission Directors” meetings this spring and summer, I’m confident that, collectively, we are committed to conveying the uniqueness of our schools, providing thoughtful admission and selection processes and ensuring that our prospective families feel known and supported throughout the experience. We are committed to clear and timely communication, adherence to new safety norms, creativity and flexibility, access for a variety of families, and collaboration school to school in the spirit of helping our families create choice and reduce stress.

So, what will the admission season look like this year? Much the same in some ways, and quite different in others is the answer. A typical season entails the following steps - here’s my sense of what each of these may look like this season:

1. Campus visit/tours: Be prepared for modified tours, possibly to include an online tour coupled with some kind of on-campus tour. Campus tours - if they happen at all - will vary from school to school depending on each school’s best judgment about adhering to their standards of safety. You should anticipate anything from no tours at all to outside only tours to quick walk-throughs of one building to tours of empty buildings on weekends.

2. Other programming: Open Houses, receptions, information sessions, etc. These, too, will vary from school to school and may well be online as often as in person. Again, school’s individual interpretations of health standards will shape their programming.

3. Interviews: It’s my guess that many of us will conduct interviews via Teleconference rather than bringing people to campus. If family tours are offered, certainly this is a time to get acquainted but don’t be surprised if you’re still invited to chat by phone or Zoom. The same will apply for student interviews.

4. Assessments: Depending on the age of student, assessments have always varied. Older students tend to take the ISEE or SSAT and that will likely continue (stay tuned as to how students will take those tests…) and younger students have often come to campus for their assessments. In the COVID environment many of us shifted to online assessments (facilitated by our teachers and usually with a parent present on screen) for our younger students and/or issued prompts for video recordings - at home - which then allowed us to evaluate our youngest learners. This is probably the area about which the least has been decided to date, but by the fall schools will post their instructions and, where possible, even collaborate among themselves in order to reduce “testing time” for our applicants.

5. Notification, Revisits and Decision Timelines: A typical schedule for most of us is application deadlines of January 15, notifications in mid to late February and Family Decisions are due in mid-March. It remains to be seen whether some schools may accelerate their timelines in order to provide families with the reassurance of a decision sooner in the year, or push deadlines back in order to allow for enough time - particularly as campuses may have to close at various times in the winter months - for families to investigate all of their options. Admission directors are working as we speak to come to a broad agreement about timelines - my bet is that they will remain largely the same as the past with the anticipation of rolling admission as space is available into the spring...

As prospective families prepare for the year ahead my final counsel, in addition to what I mentioned earlier, is to do what you’d always do:

• Articulate why you’re looking at the independent school option and determine what your criteria is for the right kinds of schools (mission, culture, academic options, specialized focus, commutable distance, etc.)

• Explore websites, ask questions (of the schools, of your friends) and become acquainted with an array of places in the spirit of creating good choices

• And, this year especially, get creative - if you can tour one school but can’t tour another, maximize other tools (website, word of mouth, conversation with admission parent volunteers, etc.) as a way to become acquainted with schools. Don’t immediately conclude that because one school hosted an Open House and another didn’t, you need to eliminate the latter. This is a year like none other and we all need to be patient, flexible and understanding as we prepare to work together.

• And finally, remember that your children will follow your lead. If you exhibit curiosity, flexibility and a sense of adventure, they’ll surely enjoy the process. If you are tense, distraught, irritated, they’ll wonder why and begin to imagine that this whole private school thing may not be right for them!

Good luck, and have fun!

---

Written by Pam Safford | Director of Enrollment Management and Financial Aid at New Canaan Country School

Pam Safford joined Country School in 2016. She has extensive experience in admission and enrollment management work, most recently having served as Dean of Admission and Financial Aid at Deerfield Academy and, prior to that, as Associate Head for Communications, Enrollment and Planning at Concord Academy. She held previous roles in admission at Northfield Mount Hermon School in Northfield, MA and Shattuck-St. Mary’s School in Faribault, MN. She holds a Master of Science degree in School Leadership from University of Pennsylvania and a B.A. of Sociology and Anthropology from Carleton College. Pam is a founding trustee and former board chair for the Association of Independent School Admission Professionals (AISAP). She currently sits on the Enrollment Management Association (EMA) board and the Ethel Walker School (her alma mater) board, and is the treasurer for the Fairchester Admission Group. Committed to supporting professional development among her peers, Pam has presented at various national conferences including IECA, NAIS, EMA and TABS.

Distance learning: friend or foe?

As March 2020 made its debut on the calendar and news of a virus from China was buzzing, many of us were in disbelief - it won’t come here, to the United States. And then, it very quickly became apparent that not only was the virus here in full force, but schools, along with all non-essential businesses (even professional sports) nationwide would be closed - for a firm two weeks, possibly longer. That was over 150 days ago. This is when the nation was introduced to distance learning (DL). As quickly as physical schools closed, distance learning classrooms opened in people's bedrooms, living rooms, closets and for some, even cars.

And now, late summer 2020, we educators reflect on our role, and the roles of our students and their parents who were quickly forced to become teaching assistants. And where have these reflections led us? In light of the assumption that school will feel very different in the fall, we ask:

• What worked well?

• What felt challenging?

• Where do we go from here?

One important observation sheds light on the fact that systems became vital during distance learning. Time management, executive functioning, and daily organizational skills were three of the biggest challenges for students as they began their independent learning journey in the spring. For many students, the real hurdle was logistical rather than content.

Suddenly, a new layer of complexity was added to the learning process; not only did students have to figure out the when, where, why and how in order to complete the assignment, but also how to submit it in order to receive feedback and/or a graded evaluation. Parents were equally challenged in this area, highlighting how vital these life skills are. Overnight, the void of those spontaneous student-teacher interactions (which had been taken for granted up until now) also became obvious. Students were missing out on the invaluable opportunities to check in with their teachers throughout the day whether in the classroom in the hallway or at lunch.

So where do we go from here? Supporting our students in developing strong organizational systems will help them in the classroom or while engaging in distance learning. In prepping for the fall (and a possible round two of quarantine), many teachers are focusing on how to simplify access to content and still uphold rigor, academics and the social emotional aspects of learning regardless of whether we are at home or on campus.

The importance of Systems. When physically in school, systems entail organizing and packing a backpack the night before, making sure computers are charged, pencils are sharpened and notebooks are ready. In distance learning, however, systems become the ability to read sequential directions, click links where needed to access class content, log in to relevant sites, remember passwords, and so on. Although it sounds easy, it can be challenging. As new ‘teacher assistants’, parents need guidance.

Here are my suggestions to help your child become independent and successful in school, and parents can - hopefully - find some peace of mind:

• Consider Preparation: Before the semester/school year begins, invest time in understanding your child’s school websites, where they locate assignments, how your child is accessing content/lessons, assignments. Some research to consider:

  • How do the websites work?

  • Are parent passwords needed as well as student passwords?

  • Are you on appropriate email distribution lists?

  • Are you on too many email lists - can you unsubscribe from unnecessary ones?

  • Do you have access to review when the student is ‘stuck’?

• Consider Advocacy: Empower your child to ask qualifying questions of his/her teacher when distance learning. This might include an email to a teacher or a request for an independent Zoom session - a smaller setting where your child can ask a teacher to clarify what type of organizational methods are being used for the class work. “How do I best retrieve assignments, readings, videos, etc…” Feel free to request a “cc” on this email or even join in the Zoom call. Understanding how things work in the beginning of the semester or school year will help your child for the future, and empower him/her to speak to adults and understand his/her rights as a student.

• Consider Communication: Share candid and diplomatic feedback with the teacher and school (polite questioning is always appreciated: are all the “clicks” necessary to find content? Are there any shortcuts we can take? etc.) Know that teachers do not want their students spending more time figuring out instructions than actually engaging in work, but sometimes a fresh set of eyes is needed to point out the complexities of what they’re doing.

• Consider Peer Study Pods: Have your student identify a few reliable peers from their class to check in with on assignments before going to the teacher. Checking for comprehension with friends can boost confidence, help toward self advocacy and create collaborative ways to learn. It can also create a fun social network when quarantining.

• Consider Experimentation: If you can’t find an answer one way - try another. First, remind your child to reread directions carefully; we all fall victim to rushing through directions at times. Next, support your learner through practicing “trial and error” when trying to locate assignments or information from school. Kids are skilled at this when figuring out various online games, social media, photo apps, etc. Now, show them how this can work to their advantage when learning from a distance. It might be frustrating at times, but learning to figure things out on their own will ultimately foster independence.

• Consider Setting Up An At-Home Classroom: Work with your child to set up a home “classroom” where focus can take place. Where is a good place in the house to work, outside their bedroom? What supplies will your child need? Headphones, quiet space, and Wifi, of course.

• Consider Fun: Although distance learning can seem isolating, it has also gifted us with a few extra hours a day. Try using this “gift” to encourage physical activity, a walk in the neighborhood, riding bicycles, playing in the yard, taking time to engage with pets, learning to cook. If time permits, read and draw with your child, and as I’m sure many of you have done already - return to board games.

Distance learning isn’t all bad…At times, distance learning can feel challenging and concerning, especially when it comes to content and a fear that our children will fall behind academically. However, consider the unexpected benefits. It forces students to:

• Be more independent and try things on their own

• Encourages them to figure out new organizational structures to support their learning

• Mandates self advocacy and communication skills

• Nudges them into practicing trial and error on their own

• Provides flexibility of time

These are all skills that brick and mortar schools try to instill daily, albeit face to face. But should we revert to distance learning in the fall, students will need to be more independent and pay closer attention to the process in order to access content. And who knows, it might just better prepare our students for “the real world” and the anticipated 21st century skills schools have been working toward all along?

---

Written by Anne O'Reilly Connerty | Essay & Workshop Specialist at Keating Quigley

5 simple ways to get your kids thinking mathematically

Let’s face it, very few children get excited to do math work out of school. And who can blame them? They need a break from work just as much as we do. But the fact is, math doesn’t just exist inside the four walls of a classroom or the pages of a workbook. Children need to be able to apply the math skills and knowledge that they have learned to the real world in order to solidify the concepts and avoid the academic slide. But don’t go rushing out to buy more workbooks or print more worksheets for the kids. There are many ways to work math into your everyday routine - the same way you sneak vegetables into their meals!

Here are five of my favorite ways to keep kids thinking mathematically each day:

Schedules. Children thrive on routines. They need to be able to anticipate how their day will unfold, even if it just means playing all day. Give your children some power over their schedules and routines by co-creating them together.

• How much time is allotted for each activity?

• How much time do you have to complete all of your chores? Can you get them all done in time?

• How much longer until you can start something? By when do you need to finish?

• How will you fit in your daily reading, chores, screentime, outdoor play, etc. before dinner?

Concepts covered: telling time, elapsed time, addition, subtraction, division

Allowance. Giving children an age appropriate allowance for doing chores is a great way to introduce your child to money management. Paying your younger children in cash will help them recognize different coin and bill combinations so they can practice counting money. Older children can be exposed to decimals depending on the amount you choose.

• If your allowance is x dollars each week, how long will it take to save for that item?

• If you buy that item, how much money will you have left in your bank account?

• If you save all your allowance for a month how much will you have? What about after six months? A year?

• Ask for different coin and bill combinations. Can you pay me all in quarters? What about dimes?

Concepts covered: addition, subtraction, multiplication, division, decimals, skip counting by 5s, 10s, and 25s

Budgeting. Learning how to balance a budget is a life skill that all children should learn, and modeling how you use your budget is a perfect way to include children in this real life application.

• Give your child your grocery list, the weekly circular or access to the store website, and a budget. How can you make sure that you can get all the items we need?

• If the item is on sale, calculate the new cost.

• Look at unit prices versus retail prices. Calculate the better value.

• Have your younger children round up the prices and estimate how much the total will be. Older students can calculate the exact total.

• When ordering takeout food, calculate the bill. Older students can include the appropriate tip percentage. Encourage them to find different ways to calculate 5%, 10%, and 20% of the total.

• How will the state tax affect the bill? Estimate or figure out the exact figure.

Concepts covered: estimation, rounding, addition, subtraction, percentages, decimals

Travel. Most of us are traveling less than we’d like to currently, but having your children be a part of the conversation around travel (even if it’s just down the street) allows for great mathematical conversations.

• Have your child figure out what time to leave to get to your destination on time. If we need to be there at x time, and it takes y minutes to get there, what time should we leave?

• Calculate the total mileage for the trip.

• Calculate the total time for the trip taking into account speed, pit stops, and traffic.

• Calculate the amount of gas that will be needed for the trip. Have your child research the gas prices and calculate the estimated cost of the trip.

Concepts covered: time, elapsed time, rate, money, decimals, addition, subtraction, division, multiplication

Baking and Cooking. I don’t know about you, but at the start of this quarantine, I started baking ALL THE TIME. We made bread, cupcakes, cookies, muffins - all the baked goods. Baking is a phenomenal way to incorporate math.

• Don’t just take the recipe as given. Look at how many people you want to feed and then plan on doubling, tripling, or halving the recipe as needed.

• Remove some of the measuring tools from your cabinet. If you need ¾ cup of flour, but don’t have a ¾ cup, what are the other ways you can measure ¾ cup? Don’t have a ⅓ of a cup? How can you use tablespoons instead?

• Grocery stores are out of a lot of ingredients! Look up substitutions if necessary. Some substitutions are a 1:1 ratio, but others have different ratios that will need to be calculated.

• When cutting out cookies you can incorporate geometry! How can we get the most cookies out of this dough? Use flips, turns, and translations to fit the cookie cutter in the most efficient pattern.

Concepts covered: fractions, operations with fractions, addition, subtraction, multiplication, division, spatial reasoning, geometry

Encouraging mathematical thinking with real world connections is a very powerful way to give children a purpose and context for the skills and concepts they learned in their classroom. But most importantly, it answers the essential question - when are we ever going to use this?

---

Written by Alissa Helgesen | Math & Workshop Specialist at Keating Quigley