College Chronicles by Charlotte G - The Final Installment

Thanks to Charlotte for the third installment of her blog highlighting academics, dorm life, and the joys (and challenges) of being a college student!

Hello again everyone! The last time we talked we were just settling in to the school year, and now look at us… our college year is rapidly coming to an end!!!

I am so proud of you!! You have grown and accomplished so much. However, the semester isn’t over yet! Some of us still have to get through finals and truck through the next few weeks. 

To me at least, spring semester is the most challenging. I am not sure if you agree, but when it starts to get nice outside and flowers start budding, my motivation wears thin. So as your mind drifts outside, I’m going to share some strategies on how to keep your stamina up, when all you truly want to do is enjoy the beautiful weather and be on a beach somewhere! So, here we go: 

1. Make a schedule and give yourself free time… cramming only makes your motivation low and stress levels high. 

2. Stressed or anxious? Go for a walk. Especially in the spring, it is so relaxing and grounding to breathe fresh air and let yourself connect with nature. 

3. Stay healthy. Most importantly make sure you are getting enough sleep. Without sleep, you will wear your body down which will only do more harm than good, especially for your grades.

4. Call your parents. Let them know you're hanging in there during finals week… they will cheer you on! 

5. Plan a post-finals trip or a fun activity with friends. With something exciting in the works, you will be able to push yourself to finish strong.

6. Remember, the end of the year doesn’t have to be a dreaded time, so don’t be afraid to ask for help if you feel overwhelmed. Not only are your parents and friends there for you always, but so is your school.

one More piece of advice

When it comes to packing up and moving out, many universities, including my own, have storage services that will keep students' belongings safe until the next school year. Parents, this is something I couldn’t recommend enough. It saves a lot of trouble and stress as it can be hard to lug a TV or dorm bed headboard all the way home and all the way back for the next year. I know my mother thanked her lucky stars she didn’t have to drive down to my school and pack up the car with all my stuff!

And lastly…

You will be okay, actually, more than okay! You should be so proud of yourself for finishing the school year. So enjoy your last days on campus and ace those finals: I just know you are more than capable. Happy summer!

Written by Charlotte G. | Blogging Intern | Keating Quigley

College Chronicles by Charlotte G - The Sequel

Here’s Charlotte’s second blog on academics, dorm life, and the joys (and challenges) of being a college student!

Hey, Freshman! How’s it going? I know my year had a crazy start, so I can only imagine that you felt it too!

I’m so proud of you guys. Can you believe it’s almost November? How time flies! For some of you, I know it’s been a hard adjustment, but I promise you, you’re not alone. Everyone is still acclimating, so don’t be afraid to confide in your friends: they’re possibly feeling the same way and would find comfort in a good heart to heart.

So now that you guys are settled in, it's time to talk about options for opening both your social and academic life. College, even more than High School, is a time to explore your interests. Luckily, joining a club, greek life, or athletics is easier than you thought! 

Getting involved in your campus community is something that I couldn’t recommend enough. Not only is it important to take breaks from academics, but it’s also essential to find people who share the same interests as you. I’ve been at College for over a year now, and I wouldn’t have had the same experience or met the amazing people if I didn’t join service clubs, IM sports teams, and also a sorority.

So let’s take a quick look at just some of the many opportunities at College…

Clubs and Volunteering

Clubs usually aren’t a huge commitment but are super fun. It’s such an amazing part of the college experience to be surrounded by a group that all want to participate in the same efforts as you. I love the clubs I am a part of, even though I was really nervous and hesitant to join. I especially love the Green Club, which helps make campus more sustainable (something I have been passionate about since my APES class junior year of High School). Clubs like the Green Club are just one of the many service organizations at colleges that embrace volunteering. It always feels fulfilling to give back to your college community and the communities surrounding campus.

Greek life

If it appeals to you, Greek life is a great experience, is an awesome way to meet new people and have a smaller sense of community on campus. At some schools, I know that Greek Life is considered to be “necessary.” However, being part of a fraternity or sorority is exactly what you make of it! If one chapter appeals to you because of their philanthropy, support, academics, and social scene, I recommend you take it into consideration!

Intramural/Club Sports

IM and club sports are another excellent way to get up and active at college. These teams are always looking for members and if you played a sport in High School or want to start playing a sport, be sure to try it out! Some schools have different requirements for their club teams. For example, I know the club women's lacrosse team at my school is more intense than our club women's soccer team, so they have more rigorous tryouts. Through research and word of mouth feedback, you can learn all about the sport you're interested in, and what it takes to get involved at your University. 

and finally…

Although it was challenging to get involved last year because of COVID, I have never felt such a sense of community as I do now at my school. Clubs are so happy to have new members, so go out and take full advantage of all opportunities at your fingertips. 

I know it can be scary to go outside your comfort zone, but the benefits outweigh the costs, and it's also important to take risks! Apply for a position, try out for a team, and stand up for what you believe. You won’t regret it.

Written by Charlotte G. | Blogging Intern | Keating Quigley

Reflections on Fatherhood

By Dave Olson, Former Middle School Head at Sacred Heart Greenwich and incoming Executive Director at the Waterside School, Stamford, CT

I am the proud father of an 11-year old son. I came to parenting later in life than many and had already spent more than 20-years as an educator before our son was born. Working with countless children and their families over the years has allowed me to develop some expertise, especially in the middle school years. I forever encourage parents to embrace the unpredictability of childhood and stay focused on the remarkable development their children will undergo over the span of their many years in school rather than focusing on the day-to-day successes, frustrations, and challenges.

Fatherhood has helped me embrace how difficult this is and has allowed me to learn the following additional truths:

It’s Not About You

I purchased a baseball glove for my son when he was three days old and soon after mounted a mini-basketball hoop in his bedroom. While I knew the pitfalls of being an overbearing parent I couldn’t resist exposing him to the things I loved and kept telling myself that I learned some of my greatest lessons through playing sports and being involved in competition. It turns out that my son has a mild interest in traditional sports, but really loves to read, skateboard, and create things with technology. Of course, my wife instantly fanned the flames of his interests, while I struggled to let go of my dreams of collegiate athletics, the Olympics, and additional feats of greatness in multiple sports. I am a recovering overbearing sports parent and working on supporting his interests so that he will continue to learn the valuable lessons that come from hard work in any venue and that he will experience the joy that comes from doing something he loves. I have even learned various skateboard terms like an “ollie” and a “frontside 180;” certainly I must be the hippest and proudest dad at the skatepark.

Be Present

One of my most salient fatherhood realizations is that my needs are secondary to the needs of my son. Being a father requires me to put the challenges of the day away when entering our home each evening so that I can be fully present for my son and wife. This is a work in progress. Thankfully, though, I have the most remarkable wife who picks up the slack regularly as I fall short. And while the pandemic created numerous profound challenges for schools and families, I found that it created greater opportunities for fathers to be more present in the lives of their children. We had a record number of working parents, many of whom are dads, participate in various virtual events this past year such as parent-teacher conferences. My hope is that fathers enjoyed the experience of being more intimately connected to their children’s education and that schools will continue to offer virtual options to encourage attendance. In addition, being quarantined for the spring of 2020 provided a profound experience for me as my son and I spent each afternoon playing outside together (yes, I “inspired” him to master the finer points of a jump-shot). When returning to in-person learning for the beginning of the 2020-2021 school year he earnestly asked “can you come home early from school each afternoon so that we can spend time together?” This hit me hard as I have spent so much of my life serving my various schools. Once again I am on the rocky road of mastering the simple concept of being present in my son’s daily life.

Enjoy the Ride

I often lament the lack of simplicity in the 21st Century, which is compounded by my tech skills as I am somewhere on the spectrum between a Luddite and digital native. Just like working in schools, being a father has forced me to embrace the sloppiness of each day and not get hung up on my utopian dream of having things arranged in vertical columns with neat bows. I am working on letting go of perfection, not getting sidetracked by complications, and simply enjoying time with my son. 

I salute all dads as we approach Father’s Day and encourage all to celebrate your small victories while remaining committed to being selfless, being present, and enjoying the greatest gift of being a father.

Reflections On The School Admissions Process

Independent school admissions decisions are out and deposits are in, and the verdict... accepted, waitlisted or denied. For some, the outcome was just what they wanted, a spot at the school of their dreams. For others the decision was disappointing because they are on  a waitlist , or worse yet, denied. So what does this all mean?

Before I go on, I should tell you that my approach to school admissions is centered on self reflection and acknowledgement. I challenge you as parents, to take a non-linear approach to the school search by not making the process about a means to an end. Instead, push yourselves outside the box and use this as an opportunity to help your child build life skills. Life skills? What do they have to do with applying to schools? First, let us think about a few: admissions interviews, applications, school research, writing a resume, and time management. These are skills that all of us have to develop and use throughout our lives. So, why not start early?

“Learning without reflection is a waste. Reflection without learning is dangerous.”

-Confucius

The first step in this exploration starts with your child and getting them to understand who they are as an academic, a person, and general member of society. At this point, you are probably wondering at what age children can start identifying these skills. A middle schooler, with coaching, can easily start pinpoint some of their characteristics and qualities. Do not underestimate your child’s ability to recognize their strengths and weaknesses! 

I would argue that regardless of the admission decision, it’s important to reflect on the school selection process. What did you learn about yourself as a parent? What did you learn about your child? And last but not least, what should you be doing as a family going forward? For parents of middle or high school students, this should be viewed as an opportunity for your child to reflect upon their profile. Okay, so this sounds interesting... but, where do I go from here?

Take a step back before you move forward and ask yourself or your child:

• What did I or my child learn about their character?

• Did I/they discover anything new about their academic profile?

• Are extracurricular activities a significant part of the child’s life?

• Should we consider academic support or enrichment?

• Have I/we adequately researched and addressed the school programs that are a “best fit” match?

• Did we put enough emphasis on the school community and environment?

• Was the application process an emotionally balanced experience?

• Did I empower my child in their school search?

Do not feel like you have to have one big conversation about this. Instead, use this as an opportunity to start a dialogue. You might want to consider putting pen to paper before engaging in conversation to show that you put time and thought into understanding their school search. We all know how hard it is to strike a conversation with our middle or high school students. Seize the moment!

While many of you might be thinking, “my child has a spot in their first choice school so what’s all of this reflection about?” These are questions every parent should be asking themselves periodically as their child navigates their educational journey. Take a pulse along the way, and make sure that your child’s school is still appropriate based on how they are developing not only as a student, but as a person.

For those of you who are still waiting for a spot or are planning on going through the school application process again next fall, turn a negative into a positive, and use this time to reassess your child, and their school list. You might find yourself wondering if you should have done things differently. Remember, it’s never too late to redirect your thought process, and change your plan.

Jacquie Quigley | Partner | Keating Quigley Educational Advisors

Help Your Daughter Shatter Her Glass Ceiling!

“Shattering glass ceilings”. The term is everywhere right now. But what does it mean? With the inauguration of Vice President-elect Kamala Harris taking place next week, this has been on my mind lately. When I look at my own two daughters, age almost five and almost two, I see so much potential. But I also ask myself: How do we help the next generation of young women keep the momentum going?

To be the leaders of tomorrow, the young girls of today need our help. Here’s how:

• First, we must help them build confidence. A young woman may have intelligence and talent, but without confidence, she will not be able to achieve anything.

• Secondly, we must support our girls with examples of role models and mentors. Knowing about our possibilities and seeing other accomplished women is a key part of reaching our own goals.

• Lastly, frequent and meaningful conversations about female identity are critical to helping them shape their ideas about who they are and the women they will become.

Confidence is Key

We all want our daughters to feel that they CAN and WILL achieve anything in life. But how is this feeling developed? In a society full of comparisons on social media and pressure to get ahead of others in school, girls need to be reminded of how special and important their individual qualities are.

As parents, we have a unique opportunity to see our children’s strengths firsthand and witness the qualities that set them apart from others. But how often do we help them identify their strengths? Sometimes they need to hear positive feedback when they do something great to boost self-esteem and motivation. So remember to be specific and praise actions, not personality traits. For example, say something like, “You spoke so confidently and bravely with your teacher today, I am proud of what a leader you are becoming in your class.” This statement is more effective than a simple, “I think you’re really brave.” This way, you are intentionally reinforcing positive behaviors and choices, with the hope that they will repeat them in the future. This is also important in helping them to embrace their individuality.

Don’t forget to help your daughter recognize and celebrate her uniqueness. When she comes to you for advice, for example, remind her to follow her heart. During adolescence, many kids tend to follow the crowd. We should remind our girls that being different is not only okay, it is also a strength. Asking our girls questions such as “what is your gut telling you?” will help her reflect and build a sense of self-assurance that is vital for future success.

In addition, identifying how we behave and model for our girls is another key component of helping them build confidence. Do we exhibit self-assuredness and poise in our work? Do we take pride in it, and interact with colleagues and friends in a way that we want our daughters to emulate? Do we model acceptance of our bodies? Do we speak kindly about ourselves? Our girls are watching us and whether we intend to or not, we have an impact on their self-esteem. Their sense of self begins with a strong model for confidence. When girls are confident in themselves, they can dare to dream about and achieve goals that might be otherwise impossible.

Look to Role Models in their Lives

For our girls to achieve the same level of engagement and leadership that we have been able to attain, they must first have exposure. The adage, “We cannot be what we cannot see” could not be truer here.

Making sure to expose our girls to a variety of role models in a range of fields, and from diverse backgrounds, is ideal for encouraging them to think about themselves as competent women in the future. This is also why it is so important for accomplished women to become mentors to underserved youth, who may not have sufficient opportunities to see examples of various careers in their communities. It is never too early to have our daughters start conversations with other women about their career paths and experiences. We should encourage our girls to seek out as many new experiences as possible that will allow them to meet women in all fields.

Identifying opportunities to engage with female leaders will have a positive impact on the way they see themselves as young women. Engagement in after-school clubs, youth groups, dance classes, sports teams, art or music classes, or community service with an encouraging female mentor are great ways to experience this.

Engage in Dialogue about Issues Facing Girls and Women

Of everything we can do to motivate and lead the young women of the future, open and honest conversations are the most important.

It is important to discuss ideas and concepts like feminism, the history of women’s rights, the obstacles to gender equality that remain today, and women’s overall role in society. We must educate our girls and give them a chance to talk about how we got here and where we are headed.

Girls absorb so many messages, both positive and negative, about what they should and should not do as females. They need candid conversations that encourage them to reflect on the significance of their experiences and help them to challenge misconceptions. For example, many girls feel that if they speak proudly about their accomplishments or their appearance, they will be viewed as “conceited” or “full of themselves”. If they are allowed to consider this idea further, they would realize that this is not true. There is no reason that females shouldn’t be as loud and proud of their strengths as their male counterparts. Encouraging our girls to be proud of themselves is an important step in allowing them to shine. Honest reflection and candid discussion about our place in the world are vital to motivating the young women of the future.

I look at our young girls of today with so much hope and optimism. They have access to more information and opportunities than we ever did. They are also growing up in a more equitable society. The likelihood of a female succeeding is greater than ever, due to the powerful line up of women who came before us and broke barriers. Girls can dare to dream anything. The possibilities are endless. With confidence, access to strong mentors, and open dialogue, the sky's the limit for the next generation of women.

Girl Power!

A parenting workshop with Erika Brunwasser
Thursday, February 25
7:30 pm

Please join Erika, Social/Emotional Coach & Workshop Specialist, for an evening of guidance and support for a positive path to parenthood as part of the Keating Quigley Enrichment Collaborative.

Email For More Information

Erika is also available for one-on-one virtual student mentoring sessions.

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Written By Erika Brunwasser | Social/Emotional Coach & Workshop Specialist